I have been a lead pastor since 1991 and have met some great pastors and many not-so-great pastors. I love pastors and being a pastor, but here’s the premise: Have you ever met a pastor that you would describe this way: Goofball, arrogant, self-consumed, and assumingly God’s gift to the office of the pastor? I have, and I can remember as a young boy looking at pastors feeling like they were mostly out of touch with people. They seemed to have a life that was perfect. They seemed too educated for their own good. They often acted holier than thou and had no real personality to relate to people as life was. I was not very impressed, to say the least.
That is one of the reasons I ran from the calling of being a pastor. I ran through about four large companies after graduating UGA, thinking I was just selling the wrong product. I later realized that I was selling the wrong product. I finally understood that God was calling me to be a pastor and that I needed to be in sales, for sure, but I needed to be giving away the product of Christ. I have found in my study of people and pastors over the last twenty years, that there are more pastors than not, that have insecurity issues, co-dependency issues, self-esteem issues, relatability issues, and oftentimes, family issues. The sad part is, without help, it translates over into the people they lead. Many would dare not think about counseling! Remember, somebody made that taboo; I’m not sure who, but it could not be further from the truth. We all need daily counseling to some degree!
Some pastors just don’t get it! They turn on the “brother” voice, the “sister” voice, the “I’ll pray for you” voice, the “I’m busy” voice, the “me and mine” voice, and have consumed themselves with finding their every identity in the church they pastor and one more thing; busyness. My friend, Brian Fossett, calls it “white-sock, brown-shoe” mentality. Hey, they feel good being busy, but going nowhere fast. It makes them feel more important. Most pastors I’ve met are not on the radar of unchurched and unreached people. They’re too odd! They’re too weird! As a result of this, our churches have become interior-minded, herding sheep instead of looking for new sheep. Oftentimes, the pastor’s children often get the terrible end of the deal. It’s really the superman phenomenon. We like being liked, needed, and approved by people! Pastors like the credit they receive from people. Pastors like their mission field but nobody else’s. They are for reaching people, but only if they’ll come to their church, give to their church, and serve in their church. Pastors, let me ask you to consider several things:
- Are you where God wants you?
- Are you really called?
- Are you being true to yourself or jumping through the hoops others expect of you?
- Do you care more about what your denominational connection says than God?
- Does it just feel like a job to you?
- Are you being true with yourself, honest with yourself, and real with yourself?
Some of you need to make a move very quickly. Some of you need to change your direction in life very quickly. Some of you are miserable and are nothing but a square peg in a round hole, trying to make it work. You hate what you do. It’s fine; just find the lane you should be in. Maybe you need to be bi-vocational and use the business gift you have, too. Maybe you need to stay in the ministry, but shift where you are and how you serve. You need freedom. You need to feel it. It needs to be the vision God gave you, not the vision your mentor gave you. You need truism. If you are not doing what you need to be doing, you will begin acting like you shouldn’t be acting and you will find yourself paddling underwater with no real joy, only duty. Step out, risk, trust, resign, stay, walk on water, change, repent, forgive. I want to be real. Do something real!
I was called vocationally years ago, and ran away. 10 yrs ago I was struggling to go to school to become a pastor, and was stuck b/c I was still struggling with anxiety and pornography in my life after having given up many other vices from my preconversion days. 7 years ago I lost a job because of pornography and went thru a 3 year counselling experience with my wife of just 1 year to heal, and develop accountability. My passion from ministry never died, but my fears of school have always kept me. My wife is also a pastors daughter, who b/c of the wounds she has seen a congregation inflict, has little respect for the profession, and so I have had to push at this on my own, which was only one more wall to overcome. Others confirmed my calling at the time.
Thru the course of time and to help heal from the pornography, we moved, and eventually changed churches, and I feel like I have become bitter. I could never get the courage to begin schooling, my friends have waned because I took a demanding secular job, my family is an hour away, and the church I belonged to is too far to congregate with and now I am in a suprsized mega-church that I can not seem to engage. They have every program under the sun, but there is no fellowship outside of these programs that I have experienced. Like signing up for a course. I find my self depressed and sad all the time about this. I know I ran away from this calling to pastor out of fear, out of depression, out of shame for the pornography experience in my life. I know I do not want to engage people because I do not want to go through the in’s and out’s of my last 10 years because it is too exhausting. I have done it many timees, and am just tired of talking about it.
I feel like I need a spiritual mentor, but there is no one I trust, or if I do, they are not close enough. As of now I am overwhelmed in a job I have no common traits with and no church engagement, no time to be with friends, and family that is far away to engage the way I used to. I feel alone, as if I have been boxed in by God for running from such a strong sense of calling in my life. I am mad at God for not granting me the courage to overcome and a spirit to push through these walls.
Have you ever dealt with someone who has been through anything remotely similar? I now have 2 kids and a house, and all I think about is what could have been and what should be. My accountability partner has been the lone person who has taken the blunt of my anguish, as my wife has grown weary of hearing me discuss the topic further.
Any guidance would be appreciated